Unprecedented scenes in this week’s Real Housewives of Melbourne as one key cast member quits the whole show mid-season. Read our full recap.
Five seasons into The Real Housewives of Melbourne, we have a first: A cast member quitting the entire show mid-season.
We start this week’s episode where we left off last week, with Kyla delivering a bombshell to the other Housewives: Anjali, who has dissed them as “boring” and “brainless,” does not want to return to the group.
According to Kyla, Anjali’s been “devastated” by Gamble’s abusive texts to her - but Detective Janet suspects she’s not getting the full story about Anjali’s absence.
“I’m not trying to be suspicious (spoiler: she is), but this is not my first rodeo,” she says.
Jackie says she’s confident Anjali will rejoin the group after taking some time out - and given how the rest of the episode unfolds, this is perhaps not her best psychic prediction.
Perpetual smoother-overer Cherry wants to make one thing clear to everyone: They should not take this personally. It’s not that Anjali dislikes them, not at all.
Apropos of nothing, let’s revisit an Anjali quote from the last episode: “I’m not exactly dealing with the biggest brains here! Janet, Gamble, Simone? They’re not special. They’re just your average, old, run of the mill, common bitches.”
Much of this episode is spent visiting with the Housewives’ side hustles - firstly Jackie who, like approximately 98.5% of the adult population, now has her own podcast. Then we’re at Cherry’s, watching as she enlists the services of a professional “home organiser” for her already-immaculately-organised home:
Even Janet’s on her side hustle this week, shooting an ad for her Raw Essentials tea range – stocked exclusively in Chemist Warehouse (the company’s CEO Sam Gance is Janet’s partner - Deirdre Chambers, what a coincidence!). All the other Housewives are appearing in the ad – except for Absentjali, of course.
As the others get ready, Janet gives the director some advice: She’s brought champagne and she suggests they get everyone “liquored up” before they shoot this ad about the calming, healing benefits of drinking tea.
We only get a brief glimpse of the ad being filmed, but the performances on show should put paid to any lingering notions that Real Housewives of Melbourne is all acted.
We get our first - and apparently last - Anjali appearance when she meets up with Cherry and Kyla to discuss her absence from the group. They ask her to return, but Anjali’s more interested in airing the zingers she’s been busy prepping during her time out: Janet’s “more toxic than Chernobyl.” Gamble “has more characters than the Chinese alphabet,” and “a fax machine would laugh at how irrelevant Simone is.” Only Jackie and her unborn twins escape this Rodney Dangerfield-style roasting.
To be fair, Anjali has reason to be angry – there is the matter of Janet claiming to have broken into her apartment during a recent party, “looking through her cupboards” to try and find dirt on her (maybe this is why Cherry’s enlisted that cupboard organiser – best be prepped when cat burglar Janet’s on the loose).
But the insults keep flying – Anjali says Janet and Gamble have “achieved 0.0% of the square root of bugger all in their lives.” Cherry protests that Gamble is a “highly successful pop star,” but unfortunately collapses into a fit of giggles before she can finish the sentence.
The girls make a suggestion: The next group event is Jackie’s baby shower. Surely that’s the perfect time to re-approach the other Housewives and start afresh?
Anjali’s response? “No. No, no, no, no, no. I just don’t want to be around these people.”
She makes an offer: She’ll happily hang out with them and with Jackie, but not with Gamble, Janet or Simone.
But Real Housewives is more of an all-or-nothing proposition, so...
It’s a bizarre end for Anjali, who debuted with such promise only a few episodes earlier - a triple-yachted bisexual name-dropper! - only to crash out of this conflict-based franchise at the first sign of conflict. RIP Anjali, we hardly knew ye.
Finally this week we’re at Jackie’s baby shower, where Kyla and Cherry come bearing gifts – and the news that Anjali has decided spending time with them all is such a punish she’d rather ditch the show altogether.
They take the news pretty well:
Leave it to wise sage Jackie to sum up the prevailing mood: “If Anjali doesn’t want to shine it up, then she can shine off. Let’s move on.”
Anjali’s absence leaves one empty seat at the baby shower, so Simone improvises and plonks a big stuffed bunny in its place. Soon Gamble’s got a hold of the Anjali-bunny, putting on a posh accent for some unflattering ventriloquism. This is the very real danger on Real Housewives of Melbourne: Quit the show and you might find yourself replaced by a Red Faces audition.
OG Housewife Chyka has organised a gender reveal for Jackie, and it’s an undeniably sweet moment for even the most cynical of viewers - for once, I’m finding joy from a gender reveal that’s not in a YouTube fail compilation.
Blue confetti explodes from the ceiling to reveal she’s having two boys, and the positive atmosphere is only slightly punctured when Janet, overwhelmed with happiness, declares: “I don’t give a s**t about Anjali!” (Umm … neat?)
That starts a big fight between Gamble and Kyla about Anjali’s exit – Kyla insists it’s all Gamble’s fault, but Gamble’s not having that. Chyka, now freed from the contractual obligations of having to actually be involved in fights like this, just sits there lapping up every second of it:
Janet cuts through the squabbling to deliver the final say on Anjali - for now: “I’m sorry that she didn’t love us... but not everyone can love us.”
But there’s more drama afoot next episode, as Anjali’s departure leads to a massive new fight between recent Insta-enemies Janet and Kyla.
The Real Housewives of Melbourne airs 8:30pm Sundays on Foxtel’s Arena Channel. In the meantime, chat all things #RHOM with recapper and gender reveal gone wrong Nick Bond on Twitter.
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2021-11-21 10:31:34Z
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