An official investigation involving an anonymous letter and a three-way sparks an unlikely feud on Tuesday’s Married At First Sight as the show’s Byron Bay hippie trades the enlightened high road for the vengeful cracks of the gutter.
This program is capable of tarnishing the shiny halo of even the most innocent angel. Or, to be more specific about tonight’s antics: tarnishing the amethyst crystals of even the most Zen yogi.
And just when things couldn’t get more wackadoodle, nan and pop start having a sex fight.
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We’re in the middle of Feedback Week. Everyone reacts appropriately.
“There’s just no one I want feedback from,” Tori snips.
The producers take this as a cue to line all the contestants up at Tori’s front door to deliver unwelcome feedback.
“Your relationship’s not healthy,” Jayden tells her. “You like Jack more than he likes you.”
We say it every year, but Feedback Week is really just a fancy title for what is actually Insult Week.
Tori accepts the critique with grace and understanding.
“I’m so done with these f**kwits,” she fumes. “They can go f**k themselves.”
Meanwhile, Jack’s also being inundated with constructive criticism like he’s the complaints hotline at Optus.
“Tori says she goes to bed every night with nothing on,” Jade tells him while asking why he still hasn’t had sex with his wife. “If I was getting into bed with nothing on and my partner didn’t try anything, I’d walk outta the room thinking you don’t wanna be with me.”
Huh. It almost seems like Jack is being phony. Which is peculiar because, apparently, he’s going around Trash Tower and telling everyone that Byron hippie Lucinda and sad sack Timothy are total phonies.
Word starts to spread. The murmurs get back to Lucinda and Timothy. Of course, Timothy explodes. But the surprise comes when Lucinda drops her Zen facade.
Suddenly, decades of meditation and mindfulness are stripped away. Her mood ring turns a filthy shade of brown. All because of a rumour.
As Michelle Obama said: When they go low, we go lower.
Lucinda positions herself at the computer to write a scathing letter of feedback to Jack and Tori.
“The investigation police have flagged you as bullshitters,” she bashes the words out on the keyboard. “And these are the facts and the reason the investigative anonymous police think so.”
Nice work, Luce. Formal, authoritative, official. Tori and Jack will probably think this letter has come straight from the federal government.
We cut to Tori perusing the letter once it’s delivered anonymously.
“You two are both sexual people. Why haven’t you had sex? The pressure of the experiment is not an excuse,” she reads aloud.
Then comes a paragraph that shocks us all. It’s even more startling than the argument that’s happening down the hall right now between that elderly couple Richard and Andrea because pop’s annoyed that nan won’t have sex with him anymore.
Anyway, back to the letter. The shocking part comes when Lucinda, writing as the anonymous feedback author, references the news article about Jack’s disgruntled ex-girlfriend outside the experiment. Suspicions are raised about what really happened. The letter ends with a dare: Invite the girl from the article to do “a three-way conversation” with Jack and Tori.
And with that, Lucinda’s spell is cast.
“This has actually made me angry,” Tori spits.
Speculation begins over who penned the missive.
“I feel like this is a bit too juvenile for Lucinda and Timothy,” Tori muses. “Why’d you have to type it? Put it in your own handwriting, you gutless f**k.”
With one single dispatch, Lucinda manages to disrupt the energy flow of Trash Tower. Chakras will be dislodged for centuries. ‘Tis the power of Insult Week.
Facebook: @hellojamesweir
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2024-03-12 10:17:18Z
CBMirgFodHRwczovL3d3dy5uZXdzLmNvbS5hdS9lbnRlcnRhaW5tZW50L3R2L3JlYWxpdHktdHYvbWFycmllZC1hdC1maXJzdC1zaWdodC9tYXJyaWVkLWF0LWZpcnN0LXNpZ2h0LXdpZmUtY29uZnJvbnRlZC13aXRoLWV4LXRocmVld2F5L25ld3Mtc3RvcnkvNWM2YThjMDdmYjA4NTBiZWEzNzM5YzE4ZjQ1OTljOGXSAQA
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