Married At First Sight’s man-bunned villain finds himself in a situation that’s tighter than his chinos on Monday night while a different groom lets New Haircut Confidence get the better of him.
Salacious allegations come to light during an all-cast excursion to Byron Bay, where the MAFS freaks disrupt the sleepy town’s positive energy flow and leave locals dreaming of the good ol’ days, when their biggest problem was Chris Hemsworth buying up all the property.
There aren’t enough amethyst crystals in the shire to cleanse the filthy aura that hovers over this show.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS:Read all the recaps here
We find the gang in the backyard of a rented hinterland mansion. The heritage estate is stunning, with its ornate features and landscaped gardens. The owners better have good insurance for when the MAFS freaks trash the joint.
“I have some information about Jack,” Sara says.
She’s hanging on the patio with Lauren and Timothy. Apparently, they’re the new cool girl clique. It’s an odd sight — like one of those “unlikely animal friends” videos on YouTube, where a crocodile and two mice are just shooting the breeze together.
Anyway, Sara starts dishing the dirt on Jack.
“I didn’t wanna bring this up …” she says.
Her tone is the same one you use when you’re about to trash-talk someone and you pause to preface it with the phrase, “I don’t wanna be a bitch, BUT …”
She tells the gang about how she ran into Jack one day when she was on her way to the spa at Trash Tower.
“And as I was walking away, he kind of tapped my butt,” she says.
But that’s not all. After the dinner party drama where Jack declared all women should be muzzled, he was trying to smooth things over with Sara. That’s when he leant in …
“And when he apologised to me, he kissed me on my neck,” she says.
Timothy, who has somehow become the Regina George of the trio, let’s rip.
“That is 100 per cent a dog act,” he slams. “You’ve gotta get pretty close to someone to kiss them on the neck or grab them on the ass.”
They hatch a plan to tell Tori.
“Tomorrow we need to pull Tori aside, tell her what we know,” Lauren rants. “Try to shake her and be like, ‘You need to see what we see because we want you to make the decision to leave before he leaves you and breaks your heart!’.”
She looks … concerned.
But before they can expose Jack, another scandal comes to light. It involves the new gay couple Michael and Stephen. And … their hot hairdresser.
“So, basically, we went to the hairdresser. Stephen was getting his hair done,” Michael tells the group.
They’re all drinking cheap prosecco and sitting around the camp fire. Michael chokes back tears as he recalls the haircare nightmare.
“There was flirting happening … with the hairdresser,” he reveals his husband’s betrayal.
We don’t endorse Stephen’s behaviour but we can understand why he did it. At the salon, it’s impossible not to feel overcome with New Haircut Confidence. Nothing pumps up the ego like a wash, cut and blow-dry. You walk outta that salon thinking you can take on the world … Or cheat on your husband with the hot hairdresser.
Michael says they were in the back of the Uber on their way home when he realised Stephen was sending flirty DMs to the sexy stylist.
“I felt like it was a massive emotional cheat,” he fights back tears. “You had a sexual awakening with another person and, all of a sudden, you didn’t want anything to do with me after that!”
The boys have been together three weeks. Michael is into Stephen. But Stephen ain’t into Michael.
“You’re physically repulsed by me,” Michael sulks to his husband.
The rest of the group gets uncomfortable. Sara tries to make Michael feel better and tells him to relax.
“No I will not relax!” Michael spits. “I’m annoyed right now! You worry about your own relationship!”
Sara is stunned. Suddenly, she realises what it’s like for everyone else when she yells at them.
“Stop lashing out at people!” she tells Michael, but he’s already on a roll.
“You’re making no sense to me because you’re shallow!” he insults her. “You shut up right now, you’re getting on my nerves.”
On the sidelines, Tori starts criticising Tim for not defending his wife Sara during Michael’s attack. We don’t even have the energy to point out the irony.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t really care,” Michael huffs.
Same, Michael. Same.
Facebook: @hellojamesweir
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2024-03-04 10:03:49Z
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