Australia is set to be sprinkled with some razzle dazzle and Byron Bay could be kicked into overdrive as it becomes a showbiz mecca.
Scott Morrison announced this week a multimillion-dollar honey pot to lure big studio blockbusters into filming Down Under, capitalising on the country’s low rate of coronavirus infections.
With many Hollywood productions shut down due to COVID-19, it seems Australia has the chance to become the new movie capital of the world.
The plan comes on the tail of Byron Bay real estate agents reporting a flood of calls from people wanting to purchase in the area during the pandemic – with the unprecedented interest coming from celebrities as well as just plain old rich people.
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Movies, celebrities and an Instagrammable location: These are all the ingredients we need to supercharge Byron Bay and transform it into the new Hollywood. Tinseltown is on the move and it’s relocating from Los Angeles to our very own sleepy shire.
It has been a celeb hot spot for a little while but now is the time to really ride the wave and turn Byron Bay into Boom Town. The Hemsworths laid the groundwork and others have been quick to follow. Matt Damon’s a regular. Zac Efron is hiding out there now. And like Hollywood, it’s not just A-listers. There’s a Stefanovic here, a former contestant from The Block there.
The first order of business is knocking down that dusty old lighthouse on the cape and replacing it with the white Hollywood sign. We’re making blockbusters, not Round The Twist. The large capital letters dangling on the hillside of Australia’s most easterly point will be an instant improvement and really send a strong message to the rest of the world.
Byron Bay already shares a lot of qualities with Hollywood – stylishly health conscious with OTT luxury that’s often juxtaposed against photogenic earthiness.
It really nails the holistic glamour that A-listers love. We’ll keep the juiceries and the organic cafes and the yoga studios. But we’ll need to run a broom through the rest of the joint. Get rid of those weird crystal stalls. And replace Tree Of Life and Happy High Herbs with a Louis Vuitton and several Barry’s Bootcamps.
We’ll pave over that paddock that’s used for Splendour In The Grass and build a David Jones or a Land Rover dealership.
Of course, we’ll need to do something about all those anti-vaxxers. If closing down their crystal stalls doesn’t drive them out of town, we’ll just have to lean into it and apply a Hollywood spin by creating a reality TV show: The Real Anti-Vaxxers of Byron Bay. Most of the episodes will probably take place at a witch doctor’s clinic while they eat bark to get rid of a sinus infection.
With all the celebrities living there, I’ll finally be able to expand my Star Tours business. Until now, I’ve just been taking tourists’ money over the internet and sending busloads of them to Chris Hemsworth’s house several times a day.
There’s no business like show business.
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AUSSIES WOULD RATHER FOOD OVER SEX
Australia’s priorities have changed a lot in six months. While over a million people tuned into Married At First Sight at the beginning of the year to see sordid and outrageous behaviour, it turns out we now couldn’t care less about watching fledgling influencers on their noble quest for televised flings and Instagram endorsement deals.
Bachelor In Paradise premiered this week and barely cracked 500,000 metro viewers. MasterChef consistently clocks about a million metro viewers which is a rock solid statistic that proves Australians would rather food over sex.
If you’re unfamiliar with Bachelor In Paradise, it takes a bunch of contestants that appeared on other iterations of the reality franchise and plonks them into a Fijian resort where they spend their days drinking frozen daiquiris while trying to hook up. They all basically resemble everyone you’ve ever rejected on Tinder.
And it gets racy. In the first episode, one guy was naked, another girl declared she was horny and wanted to have sex while another fella made a rather detailed fellatio comment. It all ended with two people having a midnight tryst in a twin-share hut which we watched unfold on night vision footage.
A mate of mine only made it 20 minutes into the premiere before she flipped over to Sky News.
“I just can’t relate,” she said about the show.
None of us can relate at the moment. We’ve spent months in lockdown and aren’t allowed to go on fancy overseas holidays. If we can’t have fun, no one can have fun.
And it seems we don’t want to watch TV shows that make us feel like we need to take pathology swabs after viewing.
Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir
https://news.google.com/__i/rss/rd/articles/CBMirAFodHRwczovL3d3dy5uZXdzLmNvbS5hdS9lbnRlcnRhaW5tZW50L2NlbGVicml0eS1saWZlL2phbWVzLXdlaXItY2VsZWJyaXR5LXN1cGVyY2hhcmdlLWluLWJ5cm9uLWJheS1hcy10b3duLW1vcnBocy1pbnRvLWhvbGx5d29vZC9uZXdzLXN0b3J5LzMxZWJhZmEyZWUxNTFlYTdkOTU2ZjY1OWIyZTU5YjZm0gGsAWh0dHBzOi8vYW1wLm5ld3MuY29tLmF1L2VudGVydGFpbm1lbnQvY2VsZWJyaXR5LWxpZmUvamFtZXMtd2Vpci1jZWxlYnJpdHktc3VwZXJjaGFyZ2UtaW4tYnlyb24tYmF5LWFzLXRvd24tbW9ycGhzLWludG8taG9sbHl3b29kL25ld3Mtc3RvcnkvMzFlYmFmYTJlZTE1MWVhN2Q5NTZmNjU5YjJlNTliNmY?oc=5
2020-07-18 21:28:36Z
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