The Married At First Sight experts pull an A Current Affair-style gotcha stunt on one wife by exposing video footage of her secret affair in an explosive finale interrogation that Tracy Grimshaw would be proud of.
And then, in a desperate attempt to save face, the wife claims the man who she’s pashing in the footage is just her brother — because apparently an incestuous affair is more acceptable than a stock standard one.
As MAFS veterans know, the finale reunion ceremony basically consists of all the contestants getting locked in a room before expert Mel Schilling wheels in a TV and plays back footage of all the lies they’ve told and all the trash they’ve talked behind each other’s backs. I’ve been trying to organise something similar at our office Christmas parties.
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You know, we like to tease the Married At First Sight contestants for not being switched-on but, it turns out, they’re more perceptive than we give them credit for:
Cam and Samantha roll up to the couch first and — let’s be honest — we’re not interested in hearing them argue again about what behaviour constitutes an affair. We cross our fingers and pray that it just spirals into part two of the dinner party biff with both of them screaming, “You’re the flog! YOU’RE THE FLOG!”
Mel Schilling hits play on the DVD player and The Sasshole decides to scuttle out of her cave.
The only new piece of information that comes out of the DVD package is something Cam said when he was tossing up the sorta-affair with Coco.
“Right now I’m stuck with Rice Bubbles … pretty soon I might be havin’ Coco Pops,” he grunts.
Of course the cameras then cut to Rice Bubbles and she’s furious.
Next! Jason and Alana — after your tumultuous split, what reflections would you guys like to share about this experience?
“The sex was good?” she shrugs.
And that’s what it’s all about. What a journey. Good for you.
Mel Schilling fast-forwards through the DVD and cues up some footage for Bryce and Melissa. While she’s busy doing this, Bryce starts gushing about how, despite the drama, his marriage with Melissa is the true success story.
“I’m in love with Melissa,” he informs the group. “I’ve moved to Melbourne, we’ve moved in togeth-”
Schilling interrupts him and cranks the volume on the DVD. Oooh, it’s a good clip, too! It’s a replay of the footage from Bryce’s hometown visit— where his mates didn’t realise the cameras were rolling and started whispering about how he’s cheating on Melissa.
Bryce immediately tries to get ahead of the evidence and says he friends actually knew the cameras were rolling.
“They knew. They knew. They were told to push an agenda to make it look that way,” he shrugs.
The experts furrow their brows.
“You’re claiming your friends were told to lie about this situation and they agreed to lie about you?” Schilling asks.
“They were told to push an agenda,” he nods.
“So you’re saying they were acting?”
“If that’s what you wanna call it, yeah.”
What does Melissa think about all this? After months of rumours and scandal, she has had enough. The alarm bells are finally ringing loud enough to wake her. She stands, rips her ring off and tosses it at the man who has used her emotions as a playground.
OK, fine — of course she doesn’t do any of this.
“I’m in love with Bryce,” she gushes.
Even the experts audibly sigh before throwing their hands in the air and giving up.
By time it comes for Jake and Bec to hit the couch, we’ve witnessed The Sasshole loudly passing judgment on everyone else’s mistakes and missteps. She has scoffed about Bryce’s alleged secret girlfriend. She has rolled her eyes at Cam and Coco’s sorta-affair. And, at last week’s reunion dinner party, when it came out that her husband Jake shared a (very non-sexual) New Year’s Eve kiss with Booka, she rode high on her horse and self-righteously lectured the group about acceptable boundaries.
It’s a tremendous set-up for what’s about to unfold.
The experts bring up the week where Bec ditched the show for a few days to fly back to Perth and tend to her sick dog. Producers had asked her to keep a video diary on her phone — and, among the random clips, they came across something interesting.
“We’re going to take a look back at that now because there’s something there we need some clarification on,” John Aiken explains.
We see footage of Bec rummaging around her messy bedroom while playing with the dog, who then accidentally knocks the phone over. Then, a man’s voice can be heard. As Bec walks over to the dog, she momentarily comes back into shot and this is when we see a blurred-out man grab her from behind and pull her in for a pash.
What follows is about 15 seconds of slurpy mmm mhhmm mmm mmmmmm mhhhmmmm sounds.
Wow. The experts have sassed The Sasshole.
Everyone reacts appropriately.
The Sasshole snaps into damage control. The cogs in her brain start turning and she immediately comes up with a rock solid explanation.
“That was my brother,” she states.
Kaboom.
“It wasn’t, like, sexual,” she adds.
The experts go to an instant replay and Bec reiterates that it’s her brother just as the slurpy mmhhmm mmmm noises start playing again. Mel Schilling picks up the remote control and pumps the volume. Jason tries to claw his eyes out.
Bec starts to realise her claims of brother-pashing aren’t exactly going to help in this situation, so pivots her argument.
“OK, I’ll come clean,” she sighs before trying to make up a new excuse on the spot. “My dog needed … transporting. And I reached out to … an old … burn. Um … who … actually … took Oscar to the clinic. And … when I seen him … Emotion kinda sparked with us. And we shared a kiss.”
Jake’s sickened.
“Look, it was a mistake but I’m telling you now,” she reasons.
Yeah, only because you you’ve been Grimshawed by the three experts!
“I’m being honest about it!” she argues.
Jake snaps. “No you’re f*ckin’ not! You said it was ya brother!” He storms out into a back courtyard. “I feel like I’m gonna be sick,” he hunches over a potted plant. “To watch that video, it’s quite traumatic. I can’t get the sound of the kissing out of my head.”
Neither can we, Jacob. Neither can we.
But, in situations like this, you can’t dwell on the negatives. You gotta look for the positives. Silver linings are everywhere. And we should all be so lucky as to find a passionate love — like Bec did, with her brother.
https://news.google.com/__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?oc=5
2021-04-18 11:58:29Z
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