Sonia Kruger winces through Monday night’s Big Brother premiere as she introduces Australia to a ragtag troupe of housemates who are about as appealing as the raw leg of lamb that’s shoved into a woodchipper and sprayed out over their faces.
Does that not make sense? Welp, welcome to the mansion — a place where elderly people are influencers, podcasting is a legitimate full-time career and raw meat is turned into confetti.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here
“Oh my goodness, I don’t know where to start!” Kruges exclaims as she stands outside the Big Brother house, awaiting the arrival of contestants.
Well, we know exactly where to start: Let’s take a moment to appreciate Kruges, who has selflessly volunteered to shoulder this franchise, yet again. The woman is a trooper — she doesn’t need to be doing this but she valiantly gives the people what we want. She knows we’re only here for her fresh lob, bold shoulders and fashion-forward statements.
During last year’s premiere — which marked a new, prerecorded format for the rebooted series — Kruges was forced to stand by herself outside the deserted house in the dark of night and introduce the weirdos as they silently rolled up one-by-one.
It was awkward. And Kruges was terrified.
In a bid to add a bit of oomph to the atmosphere of this year’s premiere, producers decide to recruit a rent-a-crowd who are instructed to stand socially-distanced on scaffolding while cheering on cue. And because their cheering is lacklustre, producers then dub in what sounds like the roar of a stadium crowd at a global sporting match.
Once again, it is awkward. And Kruges looks even more terrified.
It’s common knowledge that any reality TV contestant who wants to make an impact on viewers has to craft a harrowing personal backstory. This girl from a farm nails it.
“I haven’t had Wi-Fi for five years,” she says. “I’m gonna enjoy havin’ a shower because we don’t have water at home.”
The camera quickly cuts to Kruges, who struggles to relate.
The cast of every reality show needs to be spiked with a glamorous socialite, and Big Brother really delivers. Australia, meet Daniel — a 48-year-old real estate agent from Geelong.
“I’ve got bolt-on teeth, I’ve had a hair transplant, and I’ve had Botox,” he shares. “Sometimes my intensity scares people.”
Producers also need to chuck an influencer into the mix because it helps boost cross-platform audiences and creates an online buzz that, these days, is vital to a show’s success. The best they can find is SJ — a 65-year-old antique jewellery dealer with an Instagram account.
“Thanks to social media, I have become viral. I do believe I have superpowers,” she informs us.
There’s so much to take in but the only thing we can focus on is that apparently SJ doesn’t own proper luggage.
Oh, and now it’s time for my husband to enter the house:
Of course, Big Brother makes sure to recruit a handful of forgettable hot people with fake jobs.
“I have a podcast. I’m a podcaster and a trainer,” some girl called Katie tells us.
And then there’s Max — a former Iron Man who, coincidentally, once dated the hot podcaster.
“That’s my ex!” Katie screams while running up to him. “We dated a long time ago … but still …”
Max isn’t as jazzed about seeing Katie and cringes every time she loudly explains their history — particularly because he has just laid eyes on Christina, a hot Russian flight attendant, who he promptly starts flirting with, which irritates Katie.
Uh oh! Hot people problems! Sucked in, hot people. That’s what ya get for being hot. We kick back and bask in the awkwardness.
We’ve gotta give these people credit. The journey they’re about to embark on is tough. I’d rather die than spend two months living in a house filled with bad lighting and crap from Fantastic Furniture.
Our troupe of misfits are high on the adrenaline of entering the mansion. They’re enjoying it too much — so Big Brother decides to bring them down a peg by playing with their emotions. He allows each of them to request one item that they’d love to be provided in the house. Their imaginations run wild. A football! And an art station! An espresso machine! Roast lamb!
All these wishes are granted. Then an industrial-size woodchipper is wheeled in. The contestants are instructed to dump their items, one-by-one, into the grinder and watch as each product is minced up into sawdust that’s then spewed out across the yard.
It’s all fun and games until we get to the raw leg of lamb. The farm girl dumps it into the woodchipper and then gets blasted in the face with a steady spray of ground-up meat chunks.
We can already predict the online petitions that vegans will launch over this cruel waste of an animal’s life — and all for a ratings stunt. Big Brother has long had an affinity with meat-related controversies. There was 2006’s turkey slap. Now there’s a lamb massacre. It’s great to see Channel 7 carrying on the tradition.
Here’s where producers get carried away. This premiere is blowing out to movie-length duration and it’s just too much. It’s 2021! We don’t even want our movies to be movie-length!
When it comes to reality TV, we don’t want wacky activities with rules that no one understands. We want weirdos being weird and hot people turning on each other — and Kruges being forced to interact with all of them. It’s not that hard.
We’re forced to sit through two complicated activities tonight but, as a public service, we will not be addressing them in this recap. The only thing we’ll note is that an innocent contestant is locked in an underground bunker with that intense real estate socialite for 48 hours and, honestly, I’d rather be blasted in the face with the chunky meat confetti.
It all ends with three people being nominated for eviction:
1. Max, the hot Iron Man who dated the hot podcaster a million years ago and who is now cracking onto the hot Russian flight attendant.
2. Christina, the hot Russian flight attendant who’s flirting with the hot Iron Man who once dated the hot podcaster.
3. Melissa, the chick who got blasted in the face with chunks of raw meat.
It’s around now Kruges Zoom-calls into the mansion for the elimination. She comes serving asymmetric necklines, bicep definition and drama.
“Do we potentially have a love triangle on our hands?” she teases the hot Iron Man in a singsong voice, knowing damn well he wishes his hot podcaster ex would rack off so he can hook-up with the hot Russian flight attendant.
“Nobody thinks so,” he shuts it down.
In a wild twist that happens as a result of one of the convoluted games that we didn’t pay attention to, the hot Iron Man Max is eliminated. The reason? Pure strategy: Fit and hot people are a threat in the game.
And just like that, we’re reminded of why we love this show. It’s one of the few places where being fit and hot works against you.
https://news.google.com/__i/rss/rd/articles/CBMipwFodHRwczovL3d3dy5uZXdzLmNvbS5hdS9lbnRlcnRhaW5tZW50L3R2L3JlYWxpdHktdHYvamFtZXMtd2Vpci1yZWNhcHMtYmlnLWJyb3RoZXItYXVzdHJhbGlhLTIwMjFzLWRpc3R1cmJpbmctcHJlbWllcmUtc3R1bnQvbmV3cy1zdG9yeS8wYWNmZmVhNDUwNzQwN2NlMzZiZTUxNmU5MDU2ODE1YdIBpwFodHRwczovL2FtcC5uZXdzLmNvbS5hdS9lbnRlcnRhaW5tZW50L3R2L3JlYWxpdHktdHYvamFtZXMtd2Vpci1yZWNhcHMtYmlnLWJyb3RoZXItYXVzdHJhbGlhLTIwMjFzLWRpc3R1cmJpbmctcHJlbWllcmUtc3R1bnQvbmV3cy1zdG9yeS8wYWNmZmVhNDUwNzQwN2NlMzZiZTUxNmU5MDU2ODE1YQ?oc=5
2021-04-26 11:35:54Z
52781545028248
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar