Big Brother’s self-anointed queen Ange-a-licious chooses the worst possible time to insult the other housemates in a detailed take-down that questions their intelligence and leads to a scuffle with a cranky contestant who’s battling a 24-day case of constipation on Monday night.
The move ends in a spectacular exit that’s as vibrant as Ange’s Revlon lip gloss.
It’s the second time Ange makes this exact same mistake. Just two weeks ago, she was eliminated after launching an insulting take-down only seconds before the votes were placed. And here we are again. But it’s why we love Ange. Go bold or go home. Or in her case, go bold and go home.
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It’s 6am on day 24 and we follow Casey to the bathroom stall where we proceed to wait patiently outside.
“I might be farting, sorry,” she asserts, sensing our curiosity.
At least 45 minutes later, she exits the stall and runs out to the kitchen where everyone is eating breakfast.
“I’m really excited. It’s not a solid consistency. It wasn’t like a normal poo. But there’s action,” she beams and literally none of us asked for this information.
By the sound of it, we’d say Casey is still considered clinically constipated so let’s wait to see what day 25 brings before we celebrate with Metamucil mimosas.
If Casey reckons her struggle is real she really needs to get some perspective. Angela loses some stupid balloon challenge and is made sleep outside with the peasants with nothing to eat but tinned food.
“Tinned?” she cries.
We honestly hate seeing someone so refined having to suffer like this.
The tinned food is an omen. Ange narrowly escaped eviction last night when she got hoodwinked by her secret alliance with Mat and Dan. They’re out to go her and she knows she’s minced meat.
“It’s time to flip on Ange. It’s time to get rid of her,” Mat mutters as he walks around the house campaigning for the other housemates to join the charge.
“She shit me this morning,” Chad groans.
“She’s just so annoying. Her voice is irritating me at this point,” Sarah adds.
How dare they be so unforgiving. Ange-a-licious grew up in “the Beverly Hills of Kenya”! Of course she didn’t cope having to spend five hours in the backyard battling the elements!
These dumdums don’t know Ange’s 2IC Marissa is eavesdropping and of course she runs to find her leader.
“Mat’s coming for you,” she blurts.
“No one talks about Ange-a-licious behind my back,” Ange squints before summoning Sophie to the patio.
“I told you I’d never stab you in the back. I’d stab you in the heart to make sure you’re dead,” she says, her voice low and serious as Sophie backs up against a stucco wall.
Sophie’s scared. But it doesn’t stop her from nominating Ange along with Kieran and Casey when she wins the elimination challenge.
“I’ve got a really bad gut feeling about this,” Casey groans.
“That’s because you’re constipated,” we sigh.
Angela narrowly avoided elimination last night. The average person’s strategy might be to play nice and suck up to all the dopes while begging for salvation. But Ange-a-licious is not the average person.
At the elimination ceremony, she decides to repeat history. If you recall, on the first night she was eliminated, she decided to launch a take-down of all the other housemates just seconds before they had to place their votes. It was basically a very detailed summary of why they’re all idiots.
It didn’t end well. But it turns out Ange has some more things to say.
“If I go tonight, the pink room better win next week because, if they don’t, Chad is out,” she informs everyone as she begins forecasting how the game will play out if people don’t start using their brains to vote.
Gasps echo around the room. Chad can’t believe Ange would dismiss him like this. It’s like she doesn’t know he’s hot.
“Once Chad is gone, Sophie will just eliminate herself,” Ange continues with a flick of her hand. “Because there’s an alliance of four which is Casey, Xavier, Mat and Dan. It’s gonna be four verses everybody else. Do the math.”
Chad’s still bruised about the predication he’ll be culled next and attempts to lash out.
“If you lie to too many people, you’re gonna end up on the couch. And that’s just what Angela’s done. She’s got a target on her back,” he stutters.
Angela rolls her eyes and effortlessly smacks him down like he’s an annoying General Pants sales assistant.
“This is the most I’ve heard Chad talking, actually,” she sighs as everyone covers their faces in disbelief.
She then takes issue with Casey being nominated tonight as a “safe vote” – a person liked by the popular kids that will force everyone to vote for Ange. Ange is fed up that Casey has just been coasting along in the house – relaxing by the pool and not trying in challenges. And this laziness could land her in the final all because the popular kids protected her.
“I wanna sit here in the final with people who have earned and played the game,” she states, staring Casey dead in the eye. “So tonight, if I was sitting on the other couch, I would not save Casey only because she’s safe.”
And it’s around now Casey flips. She hasn’t pooped in 24 days. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe what she’s feeling right now. Angela’s take-down is the final straw.
“Screw you, man!” she yells, whacking a pillow on the ground for a dramatic flourish. “That‘s so rude! How dare you say I haven’t earned my place here!”
Yelling like riffraff is not how you argue in The Beverly Hills of Kenya, and Angela tells Casey to stop making a scene.
“Just calm down, we’re talking. It’s not a boxing match,” she says.
“It’s not that I don’t talk game – it’s just I don’t talk it with her because I don’t trust her,” Casey tells Sonia in the hope she’ll intervene. But Kruges just stays silent and pretends her Zoom call connection has frozen.
Ange crosses her legs and informs Casey of one final hard truth.
“If I wanna talk about a tan, I’ll come to you,” she nods.
This tips Casey over the edge and it takes every fibre of her being to not lunge forward at Angie – and that’s saying something because, if you recall, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of fibre in Casey’s body.
Only seconds before Sonia asks everyone to lodge their vote, Angela imparts one final piece of wisdom.
“You never know how far you’ll go if you engage your brain,” she informs the peasants.
We can’t be sure, but it’s probably this insult that secures Angela’s fate.
Kieran gets zero votes (just wow). Casey has one vote, from Angela. And the queen is slapped with 9 votes from her palace staff.
Even Angela’s 2IC Marissa went to the dark side. That traitorous grandma.
Angela isn’t fussed. She’s too good for these idiots anyway and she’s just happy to get back to her life of luxury and quality loose leaf tea.
“I always had a cup of tea before each challenge and I think that was my secret weapon,” she shrugs in the back of the Uber as it drives away. “The tea drinking and … my lip gloss.”
Long live the queen.
https://news.google.com/__i/rss/rd/articles/CBMilwFodHRwczovL3d3dy5uZXdzLmNvbS5hdS9lbnRlcnRhaW5tZW50L3R2L3JlYWxpdHktdHYvamFtZXMtd2Vpci1yZWNhcHMtYmlnLWJyb3RoZXItYXVzdHJhbGlhLTIwMjAtZXBpc29kZS0xMS9uZXdzLXN0b3J5LzFmODNmYTc1ZTY3M2YwYjZhZjAxODBiNTU0NTcxMzQ20gGXAWh0dHBzOi8vYW1wLm5ld3MuY29tLmF1L2VudGVydGFpbm1lbnQvdHYvcmVhbGl0eS10di9qYW1lcy13ZWlyLXJlY2Fwcy1iaWctYnJvdGhlci1hdXN0cmFsaWEtMjAyMC1lcGlzb2RlLTExL25ld3Mtc3RvcnkvMWY4M2ZhNzVlNjczZjBiNmFmMDE4MGI1NTQ1NzEzNDY?oc=5
2020-06-29 11:01:34Z
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