A Married At First Sight husband forces an unwanted kiss on another man’s wife during a fiery argument and the moment has now ruined pizza parties for all of us.
Of course this incident happens on an out-of-town excursion. Who could’ve predicted shipping off a bunch of MAFS contestants to a remote property with unlimited free alcohol would end in disastrous behaviour?
The contestants are always so well behaved at the regular weekly dinner parties. The worst thing that’s ever happened there is the odd glassing or two.
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The first order of business when watching tonight’s episode is to set a reminder alarm to flip over to Exposed: The Ghost Train fire on ABC at 8.30pm (catch up on iView). It’s the finale and it’s filled with scoops and chills and heartache.
Of course this finale means it’s the last time we’ll get to hang out in The Cradle Of Filth with journalist Caro Meldrum-Hanna. After last week’s game of Where’s Wally?, where we searched for random objects among the office’s clutter, one question was posed by many readers: Was the completed Rubik’s cube that appears on Caro’s desk solved by the sleuth herself? Or has it remained in its completed state since purchase?
A Freedom Of Information request was lodged and Ms Meldrum-Hanna has responded.
“I removed all the stickers and faked it,” she said in a statement.
Case closed.
The Married At First Sight Looney Tunes are still residing at a beautiful heritage estate in the Southern Highlands for the week and, as predicted, the place is completely trashed. Not even a team of trauma cleaners can fix this mess. It’ll be easier just to burn the place down and rebuild.
Over lunch, Bec tells a hilarious joke.
“I’m such a positive person,” she nods.
We laugh so hard a little bit of sass almost comes out of our ho-
Oh hey, The Sasshole. We didn’t see you there.
Jason looks like he’s just woken up from a really long nap again. It’s two in the afternoon.
Guys, there’s something that’s not being said and I’m just gonna put it out there.
1. This season of Married At First Sight went downhill the moment Coco packed up her bag of catchphrases and crapped off back to that Cronulla pilates studio.
2. The only reason we’re watching tonight’s episode is to see the unwanted kiss Bryce appears to plant on Bec during a heated argument.
Just like Caro didn’t have the time or energy to complete her Rubik’s cube without cheating, we also don’t have the time or energy to sit through 45 minutes of MAFS filler in order to get to the five minutes of drama that was teased in the promo — so we’re cutting straight to it.
Let’s set the scene. It’s early evening and the gang has gathered on the back deck for a pizza party.
Bec is enlightening everyone with her wisdom.
“It’s just perfectly imperfect and that’s what I love about pizza,” she muses, quoting what I think is a passage from Psalm 2:1-6.
“Why do you reckon it comes in a square box though? Like, let’s be real.”
Then Bryce tries to out-sass The Sasshole by slinging his own sass.
“Bloody boring box,” he mutters.
It doesn’t even make sense. Everyone just pretends not to hear the misfire.
“This is boring,” Bryce booms to the group. “This is boring tonight.”
This sets everyone off. Belinda fires the first shot and tells Bryce he’s making the evening awkward before the rest of the group requests — nay, demands — an apology from Bryce.
“OK! I apologise to the whole group …” Bryce springs to his feet with his arms stretched out wide. He leaves the statement dangling in the air, as if he’s going to add to it. Annnnnd then he does. “I apologise that someone’s playing mind games with my wife. Is that what you wanna hear? No? All I did was defend my wife!”
Melissa senses the crowd’s about to start booing and throwing the leftover pizza at Bryce, so she picks up their jackets to make a quick escape.
It’s a beautiful night on the remote property. The air is crisp, the stars are shining. And jeers echo around the farm as the other contestants take turns sledging Bryce, but this only encourages him.
He marches across the deck and tries shaking Jake’s hand. “Hey, I’ll crown you the king of the experiment. That’s what you are, you’re the king of the experiment.”
Then he turns on his heels and starts walking towards Bec, who’s just minding her own business and thinking more poetic thoughts about the perfectly imperfect beauty of pizza and other rustic dishes.
“And you are the queen,” Bryce leans down to kiss her cheek.
“Don’t!” she screams, leaning back on the bench seat to dodge him.
Georgia represents all of us.
“Yuck! That’s disgusting!” Bec spits as Bryce backs away.
Fury is ignited.
“Bryce! How dare you do that, mate! That was disgusting!” Patrick scolds.
“I apologised! I went to give her a kiss to say sorry!” Bryce taunts the group.
Bec huddles up with the girls and covers her face.
“They’re fake tears!” Bryce spits as he walks off into the dark garden. “Fake tears, Rebecca! Like ya Instagram likes!”
Suddenly, Bec’s tears completely disappear as she digs deep to administer some sass.
“Leave!” she screams up at the sky. “No one wants you here!”
Married At First Sight is not at all like a perfectly imperfect pizza. Even a late-night Domino’s pizza that’s been dropped in the gutter by the delivery driver and shuffled back into its box would be better than this.
https://news.google.com/__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?oc=5
2021-03-30 10:14:35Z
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